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Shhhh

I’ll probably wake up sobbing again tomorrow
Don’t mind my drunken confessions
I have the tolerance of a gnat
But the emotional girth of an elephant
Weighing down my light body
That’s my tragedy I suppose
If I were to be dramatic
But drama emits catharsis
Drama is meaning and beauty – creation
In short: not me
In other words
I’m love sick
Sick for it
Sick with it
Sick in its absence
Just straight fuckn sick
Don’t mind my vulgarity
It is what one uses
When convention fails
Expletives are the outcasts in language
They wear leather and smoke all night
While the rest of the dictionary
Sleep, pay taxes, and attend PTA meetings
Profane words are death row inmates
Offering their final translucent confessions
Ungilded by rhetoric or pomp
Shit. Mierde. Hijo de la puta madre.
There I go again
It’s late and I’m on my third drink
And am becoming vaguely beautiful
In spite of the tarantula
Crawling inside me, through me
Its prickly legs sprawling
Its ugliness spreading
Until I feel like clawing
Clawing at my breast
To get it out
Get it out
Anyhow, I’ll let you sleep
Shhhhh….shhhhh….
it’s fine, really
Come morning I will sob on my stoli-scented pillow
While others yawn and smack their alarm clocks…

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you are relentless

like a machine-gun in the trenches

your words splash off

my falling body

fuckn going and going and going

I think I’m dying

or absorbing truth

everyone quotes Corinthians

at weddings

but no one sees the desperate pupils

dilating

gasping at stars

beneath his bloody dagger

love is gentle

love is kind

O give me light

not flesh

or its mangled desires!

Give me something

anything

anything

that sings

and yet provides

give me passion and precision

give me meaning but not pain

let me bloom but not decay

i want to feel

to feel

beauty

beauty that never shocks.

love hath loveth bitterly

he’s fucking now god who knows

yet he begs for me

once I wore a ring

a ring

it meant eternity

like the sun itself

round, fiery and old

yet it too will dim

and eventually grow cold.

Sun, heat and sweat
and what remains but the bone
the indecipherable whisper on our ear
the bitter aftertaste of a potent drink
you show me your tattoo, I show you mine
you show me your scars, I show you my poems
you show me your breast, I show you my
sun, heat and sweat
the ghost of a body that has not yet died
pill after pill till the stomach is pumped
till the brain swims in endorphins, nirvana, heaven
till the night screams to be heard and the moans fade
till the bone-sun rises and clobbers our throbbing skulls
no more
for once i want to sleep by 10:00 pm sharp
for once i want to know what the birds sing
what maria callas means by “vissi d’arte”
for once i yearn to be silenced
by another’s dream
dissolve in the radiance of a pure syllable
vanish beyond the confines of light.

WordPress…yet another vehicle to satisfy my massive ego lol